Complaints & Grievances

An Open Letter To My Readers

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 22:41:00 +0000

To Whom It May Concern:
From this day forward, Wednesday, September 17, 2008, I will no longer have the debate about universal healthcare. I just won't. Now, I know up to this point I have taken the argument on full force, armed with facts and statistics. But, after this day, a day in which the motherfucking federal government is doling out 85 million motherfucking dollars over to AIG, the largest private insurance provider in the nation, I just won't do it again. My heart, my poor, overstressed heart cannot take the conversation. So, if you want to debate it with me, when you get to the part of your argument where you roll out the potential cost to tax payers, I will just say three things: A I G. I will not mule over how your taxes will be raised so that we are all guaranteed healthcare that won't wipe out our life's savings. I will tell you that your taxes will, in fact, at some point be higher because you and me, the American taxpayers, are bailing out a company ran by some of the most educated folks in the USA because they made risky and greedy investments, lusting after huge profits.
When the Bush folks stormed Washington with a GOP majority in the Congress, I listened to their argument that deregulating the markets was the most American option on the table because, according to their expert opinions, the free markets always take care of things. They told me that they didn't need to regulate it because if someone practiced poor business, they would run flat out of cash. Now that has happened, but these companies aren't suffering the wrath of the free market gods. Oh hell no, they are getting YOUR get out of jail free care. Well, look around you. Each month's foreclosure numbers beat out the month before and each month's jobless claims come in crashing the last month's records. Is the government "bailing out" individuals who overextended themselves in the home mortgage? Why, hell no they aren't. If anyone even considered it, the country would collectively crinkle their noses and insist that welfare is not deserving of the greedy and/or lazy. But, group a whole bunch of upper crust assholes together and call them a corporation and Washington goes ape shit crazy at notion of them losing their shit. I've learned this week if the helping hand is extended to families, those folks not privy to highly padded no bid contracts, it is deemed "welfare." "Bail outs" are for companies. And to make the whole deal even more damned irritating for me is that these AIG folks won't have to pay any of the money back. That's right. Even though YOUR tax dollars are going to fund their poor practices, their future profits will remain private. Ain't that some shit?
This is called socialized capitalism. The government is paying the overhead for private business.
So, as I said at the start, from this day forward, I will no longer debate universal healthcare. I just won't.
I Love You,
Shonda

Oh, and AIG, if you are reading this, I DO EXPECT a thank you card. Assholes.

Palin Not Interview Until Day Before Offered Job

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:41:00 +0000

from msnbc.com

Last night’s bombshell by the Washington Post’s Dan Balz: “Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was not subjected to a lengthy in-person background interview with the head Sen. John McCain’s vice presidential vetting team until last Wednesday in Arizona, the day before McCain asked her to be his running mate, and she did not disclose the fact that her 17-year-old daughter was pregnant until that meeting, two knowledgeable McCain officials acknowledged Tuesday.”

The Atlantic’s Josh Green writes about how Republicans could replace Palin on the ticket. “At any point before [tonight], McCain could simply replace Palin. But once she formally accepts her nomination, he’ll no longer have the power to do so unilaterally. According to Ben Ginsberg, the former general council at the Republican National Committee, Republican rules stipulate that the 168 members of the national committee would need to ratify any replacement to make it official.”

Salon’s Mike Madden looks at some of the more interesting GOP responses given to questions about Palin’s experience. “If you ask McCain's team, the skepticism about Palin's experience is totally unwarranted. ‘She's more qualified than Obama,’ senior advisor Mark Salter told Salon, citing her 13 years in elected office (including her time on the Wasilla, Ala., city council). ‘He has no business being president.’ Campaign aides seem unwilling to drop the line that Palin's command of the Alaska National Guard gives her an important credential, even though it sometimes sounds a little silly coming from Republican loyalists. ‘She's run her own military,’ said Joseph LeBlanc, 82, a delegate from Mountain Home, Ark. ‘Alaska is the biggest land [area] state,’ said Betty Kiene, an alternate from Piedmont, Okla. ‘Her neighbors are Canada and Russia, which means she's dealt with international problems.’”

"McCain's running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, has asked the state's personnel board to review allegations that she improperly ordered the firing of the former public safety commissioner. … The new filing was accompanied by a 13-page accounting of Palin's version of the events, denying any abuse of power. Palin's attorney has long contended that the investigation belonged in the personnel system and not the legislature."

Here’s another piece on the earmarks Palin obtained, courtesy of the Los Angeles Times: “For much of his long career in Washington, John McCain has been throwing darts at the special spending system known as earmarking, through which powerful members of Congress can deliver federal cash for pet projects back home with little or no public scrutiny. He's even gone so far as to publish ‘pork lists’ detailing these financial favors.”

But: “Three times in recent years, McCain's catalogs of ‘objectionable’ spending have included earmarks for this small Alaska town, requested by its mayor at the time -- Sarah Palin. Now, McCain, the likely Republican presidential nominee, has chosen Palin as his running mate, touting her as a reformer just like him.”

"McCain's campaign hoped that the five days between the introduction of Sarah Palin as his running mate and her high-stakes speech tonight to the Republican National Convention would let it weave a narrative about the Alaska governor as a kindred maverick reformer who shares McCain's disdain for pork barrel projects and political corruption. But almost from the moment of her unveiling, one report after another has deconstructed that story line. Instead, voters are seeing reports that have questioned whether she really opposed the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere" as she claimed, whether she abused her office's power in firing a state official, and why she hired a lobbying firm to land nearly $27 million in federal projects while she was mayor of Wasilla.

"These issues, going to the heart of her reputation as a reformer, are being raised as the campaign continued to deal with Monday's disclosure that Palin's 17-year-old unmarried daughter is five months pregnant. The issues have spurred questions about whether Palin's record and background were fully reviewed before she was put on the ticket."

Maureen Dowd has a scathing column on Palin and McCain. “When McCain gets in trouble, he pulls out the P.O.W. card. Now Republicans are pulling out the sexist card. Hillary cried sexism to cover up her incompetent management of her campaign, and now Republicans have picked up that trick. But when you use sexism as an across-the-board shield for any legitimate question, you only hurt women. And that’s just another splash of reality.”

So does Tom Friedman. Going into this election, I thought that - for the first time - we would have a choice between two ‘green’ candidates. That view is no longer operative… With his choice of Sarah Palin - the Alaska governor who has advocated drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and does not believe mankind is playing any role in climate change - for vice president, John McCain has completed his makeover from the greenest Republican to run for president to just another representative of big oil.”

The New York Times profiles Palin’s original bid for mayor. “The world arrived here more than a century ago with the gold rush and later the railroad. Yet one aspect of American life did not come to town until 1996, the year Sarah Palin ran for mayor and Wasilla got its first local lesson in wedge politics. The traditional turning points that had decided municipal elections in this town of less than 7,000 people - Should we pave the dirt roads? Put in sewers? Which candidate is your hunting buddy? - seemed all but obsolete the year Ms. Palin, then 32, challenged the three-term incumbent, John C. Stein. Anti-abortion fliers circulated. Ms. Palin played up her church work and her membership in the National Rifle Association. The state Republican Party, never involved before because city elections are nonpartisan, ran advertisements on Ms. Palin’s behalf.”

The Boston Globe went to Palin's home town: "As Palin prepares to accept the Republican nomination for vice president tonight, in a speech that will mark her sudden ascent to national fame, neighbors in her Alaskan town are responding with a mix of pride, amazement, and, in some cases, trepidation."

Why I'm Voting Republican

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:52:00 +0000

I think I'm going to vote Republican. They're right, I don't deserve health care, because Texas needs a few more billionaires, because I need the government to tell me who I can love and how I can love them. Watch the video. You might find a few reasons yourself.

No Birth Control For You, It's Against My Religion

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 15:51:00 +0000

Good Morning, Readers. I totally bloglifted this from my friend Suzanna over that The Campaign for the Unshaved Snatch. To find her witty blog, either visit http://cussandotherrants.com or click here. Thanks, Suzanne, for letting me swipe your entire post. It's brilliant and I'm lazy.

So the Bush administration really did it. Yesterday, they re-wrote Dept. of Health and Human Services (HHS) guidelines to allow people to impose their personal definitions of abortion on women seeking health care services. It's a convoluted regulatory change that basically cuts off funding to family planning clinics that tend to serve low income women. (More information at NARAL and National Partnership for Women & Families.) You know, the same population who the Bush administration also denies health care coverage for their children. The same people who are always being told to take responsibility for their lives. Also? If you are raped? You don't have the right to get emergency contraception if you want it. Have a nice life.

We have 30 days to register our thoughts on this. Planned Parenthood is asking for donations specifically to fight this insanity. You can also sign petitions at NARAL (use the link above) and MoveOn, but of course, the Bush administration will just ignore them. (Still, it doesn't hurt to go on the record as a defender of your rights.)

If people wonder why I am bummed that our move to London was canceled even though it would have meant living apart from Husband for a part of the year so I could finish my MFA, you are now reminded why. Oh, yeah, and according to a report by the New York Times, the Bush administration is also "preparing to give the F.B.I. broad new authority to investigate Americans — without any clear basis for suspicion that they are committing a crime," so you know damn well that anyone who works for reproductive justice is going to be spied on. I can't wait to use the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) to read the nice fat file they'll put together on me. Maybe you want to rethink signing that petition...

Now What?

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:55:00 +0000

Okay, folks, now that Elk City's had their first day of uniforms in schools, now what do you think?
Do you still hate it?
Do you still love it?
Are you pissed that your kid was dressed to the heel while their classmates seemed to miss the bar?

My kids aren't school aged, nor do I live in Elk City. SO, for those of you who don't live locally, please feel free to leave your thoughts? We've already talked about this once and we want opinions not so close to the fire.

Presidential Poonanny: Damn you, John Edwards

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 14:54:00 +0000

When the handsome, smooth talking John Edwards, a charming North Carolina senator, first appeared on my political radar about 6 years ago, I remember telling my husband that he reminded me of John Kennedy. I have always loved all things Kennedy, so from me this is a supreme compliment. You might recall the blubbering mess I was for the entire summer of 1999, grief-riddled in mourning for the loss of my darling John Jr.
As I logged onto msn yesterday, my jaw gaped open as I read the headline, "John Edwards admits affair, denies fathering child."
What? Are there two John Edwards?
The first thought running through my mind as I clicked on the article's link was that this affair had to be ancient history. Although stumbling onto the headline and then opening the full article only took a matter of a few seconds, I had already convinced myself that this was going to be the unearthing of some ancient love affair, a slip in John's distant past.
Boy, was I wrong about that! The lurid facts of John's not-so-ancient liaison flooded my brain. So, in 2006, as John was kicking up the volume to his presidential campaign, which was relatively successful in spite of his early withdrawal from the race, he was also puttin' it to a woman not his wife.
As I absorbed all sordid details of John's romance with Rielle Hunter, I realized that John Edwards was more like John Kennedy than I realized when I made that comparison a few years ago. Rowdy and I watched watched a documentary on The History Channel last week about the American Mafia's business in Cuba during the 1950s. One of the gangsters, now wrinkled and withered grandfather almost unfathomable as a former black-hearted crime boss, recounted a threesome he and another underworld figured orchestrated for the future president John Kennedy. Reading this unbelievable article about the secret life of John Edwards, I shook my head and thought of that.
And then, of course, I thought of John's wife Elizabeth. She's already fighting an uphill battle against stage 4 breast cancer, holding tightly to her life and reconciling to her young children, Cate, 26, Emma Claire, 10, and Jack, 8, that she very likely will be absent for the bulk of their lives. As soon as I noticed John, I noticed Elizabeth. I've admired the class and frank honesty she's displayed while raising a family in and around hectic and often brutal national politics, speaking candidly about her disease and the stern reality that it will likely end her life prematurely and, of course, the never-ending pain of losing a child. In 1996, she and John's oldest son Wade was killed in a car accident. He was 16.
My admiration for Elizbeth Edwards sparked to full-blown, unfettering love when she phoned that nasty, distasteful Ann Coulter, while Ann was on Harball with Chris Matthews to ask that tacky harpy to leave her deceased child out of her insane political rants. If you don't recall, Ann not only claimed that John is "a faggot," which is totally unacceptable hate talk, she also said she wishes he would've been killed by terrorist and, most disgusting of all, suggested that John Edwards has a bumper sticker on his car asking the public to ask about his dead son, thus accusing him of using his son's tragic death for political gain.

I'm calling you … in the South when someone does something that displeases us, we wanna ask them politely to stop doing it. Uh - I'd like to ask Ann Coulter -- if she wants to debate on issues, on positions -- we certainly disagree with nearly everything she said on your show today -- but uh it's quite another matter for these personal attacks that the things she has said over the years not just about John but about other candidates. It lowers our political dialogue precisely at the time that we need to raise it. So I want to use the opportunity … to ask her politely stop the personal attacks.....
You wrote a column a couple years ago which made fun of the moment of Charlie Dean's death, and suggested that my husband had a bumper sticker on the back of his car that said ask me about my dead son. This is not legitimate political dialogue.

So, as I've come to know and love Elizabeth over the past few years, I was mortified for her yesterday. No one likes to look like a fool, especially in front of the entire country. And, I'm in no way suggesting that Elizabeth looks foolish. She doesn't, John does. But, when you've been cheated on, that is one of your many emotions.
As I continued to process all this yesterday, I had some of the same feelings as one of my favorite bloggers, PunditMom. She wrote:

Whether it's our business or not, when you get caught (and people always get caught), it will pretty much be the end of your career, unless you are an uber-politician like Bill Clinton.

John, how could you not know that? The only way I would be more ticked off right now, is if you HAD become the Democratic nominee and this news was coming out 2 1/2 weeks before the convention. In any event, the GOP is still going to find a way to make hay with this. I know they are working on the ad even as I am typing this post.

If we held John Edwards to his campaign rhetoric, he knew as much or more than anyone how important this election is. We have no idea not only how to end this war, but are also dangerously close to expanding it in other Middle Eastern countries. The world's overall opinion of our country has never been worse. In order to keep these Bush tax cuts, the first tax cuts we've ever had during wartime during the history of this country, we borrow in the ball park of $3 billion each month from China, India and various other nations. Few things are more dangerous to a country's vitality than mounting war debt. Just ask the Romans or the English Empire or the Russians circa 1992. Each month's home foreclosure numbers breaks the last month's record for the worst month in history. We cheer when Wall Street reports flat retail numbers instead of declining ones, which has been the norm since last summer. Salaries have remained stagnant while the cost of fuel, food and health care have skyrocketed. John repeatedly sited these things and many others on the campaign trail.
So, why would he jeopardize this important election by screwing up like this? Screwing, by the way, is the operative word in the sentence.
I still get pissed off when I think of the ridicules Monica Lewinksy witch hunt this nation went through in the late 1990s. That bottom-feeding, media whore Ken Starr wasted billions of tax payers' dollars investigating a blowjob as though it were a high-profile murder. Can you imagine how many unsolved crimes would have been, well, solved if we devoted to them even half the resources he did toward defining whether oral sex is or is not, in fact, sex? And Congress and Newt Gingrich, who coincidentally was screwing his intern at the time, seriously shut down the government to flex their powerful muscles during this nonsense.
Now, I could see pre-Lewinsky where politician could feel brazen enough to dip their wick outside the marriage ink pool. Almost every important leader in this country from Thomas Jefferson to Richard Nixon did the very same. This post would go on literally forever it I typed out the illicit presidential nookie that I personally have read about. Of course, we took a little break from it during the Reagan-Bush I years, but that's only because The Gipper was 200 years old and Viagra hadn't been invented yet. Trust me, 'Ole Ronnie had many successful years of whore mongering out in Hollywood.
So, I don't care who a president is sleeping with. Some of our best leaders have been the biggest tom cats in the bunch. However, I apparently stand nearly alone in this and John knows that. I am not pissed off that he cheated on Elizabeth, though I do have great sympathy for her in that. Either way, it's in between them. I am pissed off that, with his great knowledge of what the Clinton-Lewinksy circus did to our nation and our party, that he would still seek the presidency knowing this would feed our need for sex scandals. Until the last decades, the sex lives of our presidents were largely considered off limits to the press and, yet, we still know that Jefferson fathered a child with his slave and that FDR died with his mistress and that, among Kennedy's numerous extra martial trysts, that he had a freakin' threesome in Cuba 60 damn years ago! Now we report president's and presidential candidate's sex lives more passionately than we do their positions. Get your head of the gutter. I mean positions like tax policy and health care reform not missionary and doggie style. If you tuned into a nightly news broadcast now for the first time, you would honestly think it was the latter, though.
So, seriously John, even after this was rumored in The National Enquirer last year, you went to visit this woman in a hotel room this last week? Did you think that since you weren't the nominee you wouldn't be followed? Every nice word Barack Obama has ever said about you most assuredly will be dug up and played next to clips of Jeremiah Wright. I really wanted to see what kind of president you would've been, but I am now so thankful you weren't our nominee. Whatever reason you went to visit Ms. Hunter, you were breaking some rule in doing so.
John Edwards released a statement last night and it contained several sentences that made me want to shake my head in disbelief, as though he truly learned nothing from the Clinton ordeal. Not so appalling was that he claimed to have already told his family of his slip and I truly hope that is true. I can imagine no way is worse than the way Hillary found out about Bill's infidelity. John needed to apologize publicly and there are certainly parts of the statement that no one could debate, like this one,

In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.

However, I fear that other portions of it will come back to bite him in his pretty ass just like Bill Clinton's, "Define what 'is' is."

When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99 percent honest is no longer enough.

99 percent? Are you fucking for real, John?
With allegations already stemming all over the internet that he gave Rielle Hunter hush money, you can bet that investigations into donor fraud will ensue. He swears Rielle's six-month-old daughter Francis Quinn Hunter isn't his child and, if the affair truly ended when he says it did, that should be true. Maury Show, here we come! But, the problem is that John's denied this story before, so no one believes him now. You know Maury does the lie detector tests, too.
With Eliot Spitzer's young prostitute girlfriend Ashley Dupree now taking million dollar reality TV deals, you can bet that Rielle Hunter will be the dirty story of the year. As soon as the Olympics is over, I'm sure she'll have mascara running down her shivering face as she confides to Barbara Walters and all of America the plight of love-torn, adulterous heart. And if this seems to do any damage to Barack Obama's campaign, you can bet that some group pulling for him will air ads about John McCain's colorful sex life. Just so you know, while I am an Obama Momma, I neither care nor want to know about who John McCain has or has not screwed. I don't think it has anything to do with presidenting, as George Bush calls it. If anything, being a practicing horn dog only seems to make presidents more efficient. I sure wish George would go out for some strange, you know what I mean?
By November, this election is going to make The Jerry Springer Show look like a Tony Award winning play. You know how much I love, love, love those "Who's Your Daddy?" Maury shows. I just think Washington is incestuous and dysfunctional enough without sensational paternity tests.
Way to go, John!

When A Stranger Calls Back....Again and Again and Again

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 04:59:00 +0000

For your entertainment, I've written a three-act play for you, my brilliant readers. Now because you are you, I know you are on a higher intellectual playing field. That's why I didn't act it out and post it up through youtube. So, just perform this masterpiece in your mind. Oh, and by the way, this is all totally hypothetical, totally.

SETTING: Country Living Room, any living room. Young couple are unpacking the female's stuff, let's call her Sadie, into the slightly older male's, Duke, home. They've recently made the decision to co-inhabit with one another, a first for Sadie, third for The Duke. (What dude doesn't want to be named Duke?)

SADIE (super giddy): Hey baby, I'll start cooking those enchiladas as soon as I put away the rest of the dishes.

DUKE: Sounds good.

Telephone begins to ring.

SADIE: I've got it.
Hello?

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Good evening ma'am, is Debbie home?

Awkward silence as Sadie looks at Duke, shakes head and grins.

SADIE: I'm sorry she no longer lives here.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Ma'am, this is the number we have listed for her.

SADIE: Yes, but this is no longer her number.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR (all sarcastic, as though Sadie is lying): Ma'am, we need to speak with Debbie about an important matter.

SADIE: Well, sir, I would love to help you reach her, but I don't know her. She lived with my boyfriend before I did. So, you see, I don't know her number.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: I'm sorry for your time, ma'am.

Repeat similar scene once or twice a month for the following year.

ONE YEAR LATER

SADIE (7 months pregnant): Duke, what time will you be in for lunch today? I was thinking I would fry chicken fried steak and just make up some sandwiches. Is that okay with you?

DUKE: That'll work!

Sadie putters around the house, refills her coffee mug with some decaf and turns on The Today Show.
The phone rings.

SADIE: Hello?

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Hello, Debbie please.

SADIE: There's no Debbie here.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Is this 555-XXX-5555?

SADIE: Yes

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Well, this is the number we have listed for her.

SADIE: Yes, I realize that it probably is, but she no longer lives here and hasn't for quite some time now.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Are you sure?

SADIE: Oh, I'm quite sure.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: This is the number listed on her application.

SADIE: Uh-huh, she did live here at one time, but she doesn't any more.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Do you know how to reach her then?

SADIE: No, I don't.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: If she once lived there and, further, you know that, how can you not know how to reach her.

SADIE (quite pregnant and quite peeved): Well, let me tell you how. Before my husband and I met, she lived with him. Now naturally she had moved out before I moved in. Hell, she'd moved out long before I met him. I've gotten these calls for a long time and I've been very patient with them, but I'm pregnant and hormonal and, frankly, I don't need a periodical reminder from you bloodsuckers that my husband once shared this house with another woman.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: I apologize, ma'am. I'll take your number off the list.

Sadie hangs up the phone, half embarrassed that she snapped at bottom-feeding
TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR and half hopes he spreads that effin' DO NOT CALL onto the team of other callers frequently ringing her line for her husband's old flame.

Over the following three years, various companies continue to call for Duke's ex-girlfriend. In fact, one even calls for her daughter. Sadie typically laughs them, periodically writing the calls down as messages to joke with her husband.

The calls eventually wane down to once every two or three months. Sadie never thinks of the calls except when she is randomly ambushed by one.

THREE MORE YEARS LATER

Sadie and Duke are playing with two children in the living room floor.

SADIE: Do you know what this week is?

DUKE (nervously): No, what?

SADIE: Our anniversary.

DUKE (eyes darting, cussing his thoughtful little brother in his head for not reminding him): Our anniversary, really?

SADIE: Not our wedding anniversary, jackass. It was five years ago that I moved out here with you.

DUKE: Am I suppose to get you a present or take you out to eat for that?

SADIE: No, I'm just telling you that it's been five years of blissful living.

DUKE (clearly relieved): Oh.

Phone rings.

SADIE: Hello?

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Hello miss, is Debbie in?

SADIE: Um, no, no she's not. In fact, she hasn't been in over five years. Do you know how I know she hasn't lived here in five years?

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Hmmm....no ma'am, I don't.

SADIE: Well, let me tell you freakin' how. I know she hasn't lived here in five years because I've lived here for five years. Do you know why she wouldn't be living here while I was living here?

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR (all passive and frightened): No?

SADIE: Because I wouldn't have moved in with my husband if he were still living with his ex-girlfriend in the same house no less. Further, I wouldn't have turned the spare room into a nursery and brought not one, but two kids into it if the father was living there with his old girlfriend.

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Well, no need to fret miss. I was calling to inform Debbie that she has been entered into a million dollar sweepstakes. But, since she no longer lives there and I called you at a bad time, let's just enter you in the contest instead. Can I have your name please?

SADIE: Are you fucking kidding me?

TELEMARKETER/BILL COLLECTOR: Excuse me, ma'am.

Sadie hangs up the phone, looks at Duke and shakes her head. Five years later, still getting calls.

Motorola, Crapola, It's All the Same to Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:32:00 +0000

I've had a few Motorola cell phones in the past and, aside from the original analog that I started out my mobile phone experience with, they've all sucked. The fact that the Motorola stocked has plunged, and I mean plunged, is no mystery to me. When you package a steady stream of crap, folks are gonna eventually stop buying it.
So, through my progressions of phones, I've tried to steer clear of the Big M if I could. Of course, my darling children double as total phone annihilators, ruthless in their campaign to destroy all wireless communication. Though I keep a watchful eye on each new cell, if it's in the vulnerable grasps of Ridge and Rolan for even a second, it's plunged in the toilet or shattered against a wall. And off I go the cell phone store again.
When I was recently rendered phoneless once again, a friend offered me a Motorola Razr. Before you read any further, please know that I am in no way complaining about this generosity. I was pretty excited, truthfully. It was brand new and it was a RAZR, the anointed rock star of the cell phone world. I figured if Britney can stumble pantyless out of the club, often colliding with the business end of cold concrete, but keep her RAZR in tact, surely the hell mine could survive two little boys.
I so rarely get to look cool, I was particularly on guard with this phone. Now I know the RAZR is now a little dated as far as the super trendy are concerned, but if I get in a craze before it's considered vintage, then that's cause enough for celebration. I'm proud to report that I successfully keep my phone-crushing heathens away from it.
It broke anyway.
For one real reason. It sucked.
I shrugged if off, figuring it must've suffered from some known factory defect. Why else would someone just give it to me?
My mom was in the hospital and I was still bunking in the corner of her room on that Gitmo Bay cot the hospital so courteously provided me with. Rowdy, super dad that he is, was totally handling the home front. (Note to self: Aww, he is a good man. Try to remember that, Shonda, during the Great Bud Light War of 2008). But, I thought I needed a phone. I mean, we had a enough going on without me going into a full cell phone withdrawal. The thought of even driving to the local grocery store without a phone glued to my ear is cause for total panic. I know, I know, it's dangerous to operate a vehicle and a cell phone at the same time. At least I'm not driving buzzed up -- anymore.
So, I called the local phone dealer and requested the cheapest phone they had in stock, which, by the way, is how I always select my next phone. Well, low and freakin' behold, that would be the Motorola RAZR. I almost went for the one $5 up, but I convinced myself that my first pink RAZR went the way of the trash bin for unexplained reasons. It wasn't because all RAZRs are worthless pieces of shit, I told myself.
I was wrong, tragically, horribly wrong. It turns out, all RAZRs are, in fact, pieces of shit. Just like my first fancy schmancy RAZR, this one won't hold a charge for longer than 30 minutes of brainless babble. You know I'm lost without my phone. How is my house ever going to get cleaned if I can't talk on it for longer than that? It's the only way I can pull myself away from the crack that is the Internet.
This RAZR is still operational, but just a week or so after I pulled it from its sealed boxing, it's already starting to show the failing symptoms of the first. That's how I know it, too, will soon take its final resting place in the bottom of my kids' toy box.
So, heed my warnings, my precious readers. I know the RAZR is cool. I've seen the candid photos of Lindsay storming passed stalking paparazzi with hers glued to her cheek, too. But, here's the thing: apparently Motorola knows our witless desire to mold ourselves in their flashy images, so they just keep these celebretards in an endless stream of crappy RAZRs and other Motorola brand junk. Have you ever noticed that none of our famous friends tote, for example, the iPhone or the Blackberry? Do you know why? Well, let me tell you. It's because Apple and RIMM don't have to throw away tons of cash keeping these self-indulgent babies in phones. Consumers keep buying theirs because, here's a gimmick, they freakin' work.
I love you, my darling readers. Your welfare is my top concern. So please, my loves, cut the RAZR. I don't care how bulky or uncool the other cell option is, go with it.

School Uniforms

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 03:32:00 +0000

On the front page of last week's Elk Citian, my colleague (I've always wanted to use that fancy schmancy word) Amanda Friesen penned an excellent article on various opinions about Elk City implementing school uniforms this school year. Now, I'm not technically a Elk City girl any longer, but in my heart, I will always be. But, I do not live over there, nor will my children attend school there. However, I've always been one to form opinions on everything.
If I were a current student, I would be upset about the school uniforms. If I owned a local retail business, I would probably be really upset. But, I've personally talked to people who support the idea of the school uniforms and, truthfully, I don't know enough about the subject to give much opinion outside of my first two sentences.
So, I want to hear what you think. If you aren't local, please don't shy away from giving your two cents. Maybe you grew up wearing school uniforms, maybe you didn't. Simply, I want to hear what you think. Go ahead and take the poll, but leave a comment, too. I'm just curious about what you are thinking. I filed this under complaints and grievances because I assumed you were either pissed about the uniforms or are pissed at the people who are pissed about uniforms.

Put down the Manischewitz, Joe. I think you've had ENOUGH!

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 13:40:00 +0000

Joe Lieberman has lost his fucking mind. That is all.

The uneasy Israeli-Irani Situation

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 21:30:00 +0000

As though crude oil futures weren't already on an unstoppable climb into the oblivion, it has been reported this morning that apparently Israel is planning on air striking Iran. Now, don't get me wrong, I've preached all along that Iran was a bigger threat than Saddam Hussein and his league of plastic army men, but I also strongly believe this is not the time for further conflict in that region.

I also realize I might bear a little criticism for, well, criticizing Israel for potentially making the move. Those who did shake their finger at me will cite Iran's loony leader whose name I won't even begin to spell correctly and his inflammatory statements about Israel and the Holocaust. As appalled as I was, too, with, there are to this point just words. Beyond that, Israel isn't always innocent in the region. I strongly believe they have the right to defend themselves and I also realize they are engulfed by other nations who don't think they have a right to exist. But, with that said, Israel has one thing they do not: One big, bad, ass-kickin' uncle, Sam. And ole Israel is Sam's favorite nephew. And it's not because of some Old Testament Bible verse about God striking down the enemy of his chosen nation, either. It is, however, about lobby dollars. I don't know when the other minorities are going to figure out this pay-to-play game.

While Israel must be on a constant watch for terrorist, they also encourage this behavior by over-reaction. For example, one Israeli soldier was kidnapped by Hamas and Israel bombed Beirut back to the Stone Age. Thousands of innocent civilians died and a city that had just rebuilt itself from decades of wars lost all progress. And while I agree that the Jewish people deserve a state of their own, I can certainly see where losing land that had been in your family for hundreds of years for them to achieve that would be infuriating. I mean, I'm out of the Oklahoma farming bloodline. I understand how certain land just becomes part of your identity. And that just stems from a few generations of my clan. Oklahoma itself is only 100 years old. Yo

Our own National Security Estimates that have now been released to the public states that Iran quit its nuclear program nearly four years ago. Then, in a strange twist of events, Barack Obama of all people has been talking tougher than George W. Bush about Iran's deadly path of nuclear and biological weapons. Of course, he was speaking before the American Israel Public Action Committee when he did all this chest-beating, Rambo shit talking. I'm sure the donations just started rolling in. You know I'm an Obama Momma, so don't think this is me turning on him. But, I also want you to understand that my eyes are open wide enough to see that they all have faults. Just like a marriage, you don't need to go into an election like a star-crossed lover with delusional notions of perfection in your head. In neither a spouse or a president is perfection possible. One time Bill pissed me off enough to change my registration to Republican. No, it wasn't when he caught in the little Monica fib. I'm a solid believer that presidents of both genders, assuming we ever have a woman, should be "pleased" often in order to prevent unholy shit storms like we are currently trying to seek shelter from. I did this the day after Columbine, when I realized he bombed Sarajevo to the ground while the American people were focused on our homegrown bloodshed. But, I went back down to the tag office and switched back before I even received the new card in the mail.

From what I gather, Israel's conviction is destroying any possible nuclear facilities before weapons are created because they feel they couldn't protect themselves if Iran did possess them. It is like they want to buy some time. Like I said, I totally get that, but on the other hand, Israel is a nuclear country. I'm sure if you were an Iranian, you would be worried about this. In all wars, men who start wars aren't the ones who pay the most sacred prices for them. It's been 60 years since the Fat Man and the Little Boy were dropped on Japan and they are still suffering from the nuclear fall-out caused by the two atom bombs. Statistics into the 1990s credited that at least 9% of Japan's current causes of leukemia were caused by the contamination from the bombs. I'm sure like all technology, the last 6 decades has produced a greater capability as far as the destruction these bombs could cause. But, with that said, I also believe that we, THE WORLD, are already in tense situation. Truthfully, I've been surprised up to this point that the war hasn't spread to even more nations. And don't think it is impossible. After all, World War I erupted after some starving peasant killed some archduke that most the world had never heard of.

I've always thought about these sort of things, but the births of my sons often renders me obsessed with them. So let us all pray the hot-headedness of a few men don't lead to the deaths of thousands, not to mention crater economies through the fallout of these oil prices.

Is a Picture Worth a Thousand Words?

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:31:00 +0000

Or, is a picture just worth $140 for a barrel of oil?
In case you are wondering who all this hand-holding is with, that's be the King of Saudi Arabi, King Abdullah.

I've had the smaller photo saved for a while. The other was taken in the early summer of this year and there are a few more of these two love birds holding hands on the web. Now, for all you Bushies who still maintain that his poor policies have nothing to do with all this, don't go emailing me manipulated numbers you received in some forwarded email that you yourself did no research for. I really posted this for laughs. Well that and the fact that if Ba-ROCK was holding hands every other month with the Muslim dude who is currently putting it to us like the shamed sheep in the barn, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity would probably have a heart attack. Hey, there's an idea. Anyways, this is just for laughs. I mean, that's what you have to do when you realize that the stock market had the worst June since the Depression, right. And just in case these two little prizes didn't crack a smile on your concrete face, go ahead and watch this little video. I mean, it is Citizen Cane classic. The climax to me is when they seriously start kissing at the end. Maybe this is why that Iranian asshole thinks there no gays in his shitty little country. Apparently it isn't weird for men to hold hands each time they hang out and periodically kiss on the big, fat lips.
On a side note, I'm pretty for sure we are gonna auction one of the boys or one of our kidneys to sow wheat this summer. I don't know how well either will work considering the time they spent in my poor, mistreated body, but I gotta do something. The talking heads on CNBC just predicted $185 oil by the end of the summer. The Dow fell nearly 400 points today, so you can just imagine what that would do to this markets. So, this is my service to you. Apparently we can't fix it, at least for a long while, so you might as well laugh.

George Carlin, one of the greats

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:24:00 +0000

Well, I am definitely filing this one under Complaints and Grievances. After all, George Carlin was the one who first taught me about such a thing. I take that back, I already knew. George was the one who encouraged me to just put 'em out there and that yelling obscenities out loud would make me feel better. He was a comic who paved the way for other true comics, like my friend Jamie Kilstein, not these assholes who do full 30 minute sets about how their wife won't let them buy a Playstation. Are you serious? I don't want to pay $50 for that shit. NO, George told us that not only was it alright, alright to be angry, but that it was funny, too. George told us to take one good look at "The Man," just stare him down and tell him to suck it.
Thank God I saw George in 2005 in Las Vegas. We hadn't intended on it. It just kind of fell in our laps. I laughed to tears.
We lost Richard Pryor nearly three years ago. I was raised on his comedy. He was my dad's favorite and, even though his material was definitely too edgy for an 11-year-old, my early exposure to Richard's humor no doubt influenced me, in part, to the person I am today.
I always credited Richard in my early years for my love of comedy and George Carlin was on the top of that list. Very top.
George died yesterday from a heart attack. He was 71.
This is the set that made him famous, "Seven Things You Can't Say on Sunday."

Where did you go, Ben Franklin? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 16:00:00 +0000

I've always believed that Ben, although he was actually not such an awesome father to his own children, is the real father of our country. After all, had Benji not blended into French society so effectively, they probably would not have aided in the Revolutionary War, which was what pushed us over the goal. His brilliance is seen all over the Constitution and through the system of our government. Now, those of you who know about my little civics lesson given inside Homeland (seriously, I think it is against all things American to REQUIRE me to give my personal information to receive items at a sale price -- either they are on sale or not.), this is the Benji quote that I fired off at the hip that really put the cherry on top of the crazy sundae. It was at this point that I knew I had scared this poor checker to her core and, without a doubt, would win the nuttiest customer of the day award. But, with that said, it is my favorite. Any man who sacrifices security for liberty deserves neither, remember every day.
This is on my mind particularly this morning after the Democratically controlled House of Representatives sided with Bush the Younger and voted through the new FISA bill, which exempts any telecommunication company who lets Uncle Sam do mass surveillance on law-abiding, tax-paying citizens without the risk of lawsuits. Now, I don't want to hear from anyone about how Democrats are all soft on security or whatever. At this moment in time, I like Georgie in all his dangerous politics more than I like the Dems in the House. At least with George, I've known up front that he thinks he is Big Brother or The Decider, as he coined himself. (Seriously, I thought I was the only one who gave themselves nicknames.) I knew it even before he stole the 2000 election. I knew it the day he named Dick as his running mate. As much as I detested it, I knew it. I've been a student of this country's laws and history since I was a little girl, before I ever even stepped into a class room. So, it was for that reason that I am so adamantly against sacrificing the civil liberties of the entire country to catch a few. Hell, we had plenty of information on the 9/11 hijackers pre-attack, but the guys at the CIA and FBI were busy playing Who Has the Biggest Balls and wouldn't work together. There's just no need for it. If they had done their jobs in the first place, it'd be fine.
But, like I said, at least I knew from the beginning what I was getting with Dub. Even when he was on his Saddam's warning tip with the WMD will be a mushroom cloud tour like an old, aging rock star, I knew that was bullshit. Ask any one of my friends. I'm not saying I have some kind of contact within the government, so calm down neocons. I just have watched politics long enough to know that the sketchy videos Colin took the UN and, for that matter, Georgie rushing to the UN daily pimping this idea like a used card salesmen, just screamed that something else was going on. Now we know there was no WMD and that Saddam, as evil as he was, had nothing to do with 9/11 and that the 7-foot-tall Muslim on kidney dialysis, Osama bin Laden, is still at large.
With all that disappointment, I knew what I was getting. All these new Dems who unseated old, tow the line Republicans and Democrats so conservative they should've been Republicans were elected by the American people to take the country back to the one that Ben Franklin and his brave friends formed from nothing. They were going to strike down the Goliath Big Brother of the last six years. And now this.
So, here you go. I've already given George kudos once this week. And now I am saying that the Democrats in the House who voted for this FISA bill are, at least in this moment, worse than he is. At least with him, I expect this. I know what I'm gonna get. If you are upset about your civil liberties being trampled on, call your Representatives. Let me break this down, they are destroying the Constitution, the same one the gives you the right to bear arms and the freedom to a fair and speedy trial. Now, if you think it is so easy for the government to take a big part of our freedom to speech and privacy, what makes you think that your right to bear your own arms won't be next.

Sleep, Interrupted

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 13:13:00 +0000

So, last night my man played cards with his friends. Although this sort of activity can annoy me at times, when he has been going a lot and I can see the boys miss him, but it is nice at times, too. Gives me a little alone time in the evening with the boys. And, even better, I get to sleep in the bed by myself for a while.
Well, I watched a little Frasier and dozed off. At around 12:15 am, when I had just drifted off, my phone started lighting up like Southwestern Bell and I thought I heard someone banging at our door. Just as I was realizing this, I heard my mother-in-law calling my name through my bedroom window. When I groggily responded, she told me a tornado was heading our way.
Just as I leaped from bed, my phone rang again. It was my dad. Now, by nature, he is a lecturer, so as I am trying to jump into moving at the speed of sound, he is telling me about how I should be sleeping next to my phone (I was) and that, little girl, a tornado is coming right by you.
Glenda grabbed Ridge and I grabbed Rolan. We were out the door literally within a minute from the moment I realized what was going on.
Glenda's new home has a safe room in it, Thank God!! While we do have a cellar on the place and I'd definitely emerge in it for the safety of my darling, darling sons, but the safe room is just so much more convenient with little boys. It's more comfortable. We can keep a better handle on the clouds above us and have quicker access to safety. The bathroom is right there and if someone gets hungry, a life doesn't have to be risked to ease the fit. So, Glenda laid down a few blankets and pillow for the boys. Ridge went immediately back to sleep and Rolan behaved as though he might. After the boys were comfy and cozy, I hit my cheek bone on a fireproof box, so if I end up with a black eye, don't think Rowdy's turned Ike Turner.
Although we tried to be as still and quiet as possible to keep the boys resting, Rolan still woke up. For the most part, he sat on my lap. I want to thank all those you called or contacted me during all this, including the beautiful bride Kassie Jackson Lee, whose wedding photos are on that page. Anyways, Rowdy had called in the middle of this and informed me that in 20 minutes, 30 max, we'd be out of danger. Fantastic! I still remained as still as possible to keep my roaming Rolan in place. Eventually I looked at my clock. Thirty minutes had passed, so I called my husband again. He was suppose to call me when the threat had moved onto to reek havoc in someone else's slumber, but I guess he got busy. Once he answered, he looked at the tv. Yup, the danger was gone. So, then I went looking for Glenda. I knew her husband was opting not to get out of bed unless tornadoes were literally swirling around the house. I crept through the house. No Glenda. I thought maybe she was outside. She was not. Where was she, you ask? In bed. So, I wake her up and she agrees to bring Rolan and me home. Ridge spent the night in the safe room.
Now, you might be wondering why I am filing this under complaints and grievances. To be honest, I don't really know. I thought it was a borderline myself in between the home page and this one. But, in the end, I opted with this because it took me another damn hour to go back to sleep. I had been so excited about all the Rowdy-free rest, but I had been robbed of like 2 1/2 hours. However, I'm very thankful for our safety and those who tried to warn us. THANKS!

Now THAT is a Marriage!

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 22:37:00 +0000

Congratulations to Phyllis and Dell, whose 55 year committed relationship was fortified in marriage for the second time today. No, they didn't split and then reunite like most second-time ceremonies. They aren't renewing their vows. Their first wedding was annulled by a court. Phyllis and Dell, who are the publishers of The Ladder, have accomplished a feat few heterosexuals cam claim -- a lifelong union. I sincerely hope that their marriage isn't dissolved by California voters in November when a question will be on the ballot to possibly make gay marriage illegal through the state constitution, which to me is about as unconstitutional as it gets. Phyllis and Dell, it is my complaint and grievances that this could be taken from you once again. My praise, though, is for the example I take from you in my own marriage. Your love and commitment to one another is truly inspirational.

The Heat is Melting My Brain

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:51:00 +0000

Okay, I realize we are barely midway through June, but I'm already out-0f-my-mind sweltering from this insane heat. And I know as an Oklahoman I should just accept it, after all I could leave this miserable sauna if I wanted. But aside from this constant sweating I love living out here. Well that and the never-ending wind, but at least there is possibility of profit from that in the future.
From the time the thermostat starts busting through 100 degrees, which comprises of nearly 1/3 of our year here in Okieland, I have a constant headache. I'm sure you are thinking that's a bit melodramatic, but I swear it's true. On top of that, I have this husband who is all concerned with keeping our energy costs low, damn him, and therefore expects the temp to be sat at some absurd 75. Maybe I can use some of this savings to repair my brain once it explodes from prolonged heat stroke.
Ridge has a t-ball practice tonight and, as the coach, I guess I have to go run around in this miserable nonsense.

Where's all the good TV going?

noreply@blogger.com (Shonda Little) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:38:00 +0000

Considering the horrific way Men in Trees, the recently canceled ABC sitcom, was shuffled through time slots and then paused during the lengthy writers' strike and then shuffled through even more time slots, I have to assume I am the only person who cared whether this great series lived or died. Don't get me wrong, I still love Grey's and, like any relationship teetering upon happily-ever-after and splitsville, I have too much invested in the Housewives to walk away. But, let's be real -- both shows have flirted with the ridicules to keep their ratings and try to outdo their earlier seasons. Clearly, Housewives has gone far, far further over the edge than Grey's, but they both are in the mid-series slumps.
Men in Trees was still new, fresh and exciting. I know Anne Heche was abducted by aliens or whatever, but she was brilliant in this show. And Jack, played by James Tupper, is so hot that the sitcom could have literally had only men sitting in trees and I would've tuned in forever. I mean, seriously. The plots were good and believable, as was the acting. I know many shows have been either lost or are reeling after the strike, but this was a good one. This Wednesday ABC aired its final episode. It was good, but there was still too much to offer. I mean, how the hell could this show be gone and the American public still be buying Horatio Cain has a legitimate redheaded, Cuban-American detective? I only know one person who talks like that in real life and he's schmo.
I was sad then, but who could've known the heartbreak the rest of the week would hold. Two days ago, as I was checking my myspace (I'm a total fiend), I noticed that the brilliant blogger Allison Kilkenny had changed her update to "RIP Tim." I then saw that she had posted a bulletin explaining that Tim Russert had just suffered a fatal heart attack. Since 1991, Tim has been grilling each important political candidate and pundit that's come on the scene on the weekly show Meet the Press. I mean, who could forget Tim and his dry erase marker board on Election Night 2000, the unorganized chaos that was, writing his hand count-outs. Earlier in the day, before all state totals were in, he told us that was all going to come down to Florida. Actually he said, "Florida, Florida, Florida." Later that night, when that prediction came so painfully true, I think even Tim was shocked by how brilliant he now appeared.
This upcoming election is going to be a pop culture extravaganza. Whether John wins in the fall or Barack does, history will be made and Tim definitely deserved to see it. Political junkies like me will think of him in November. This would be like John Madden dying a few months before the first woman quarterback throws in the SuperBowl. Maybe that's a bad analogy. Tim would have had a better one.
Meet the Press is the longest running show on television and it will no doubt continue on. That's how Tim would want it and that's how it must be. After all, if Tim did anything, he explained to us that the whole is bigger than the parts.
Rest in Peace, Tim Russert.