Motorola, Crapola, It's All the Same to Me!

I've had a few Motorola cell phones in the past and, aside from the original analog that I started out my mobile phone experience with, they've all sucked. The fact that the Motorola stocked has plunged, and I mean plunged, is no mystery to me. When you package a steady stream of crap, folks are gonna eventually stop buying it.
So, through my progressions of phones, I've tried to steer clear of the Big M if I could. Of course, my darling children double as total phone annihilators, ruthless in their campaign to destroy all wireless communication. Though I keep a watchful eye on each new cell, if it's in the vulnerable grasps of Ridge and Rolan for even a second, it's plunged in the toilet or shattered against a wall. And off I go the cell phone store again.
When I was recently rendered phoneless once again, a friend offered me a Motorola Razr. Before you read any further, please know that I am in no way complaining about this generosity. I was pretty excited, truthfully. It was brand new and it was a RAZR, the anointed rock star of the cell phone world. I figured if Britney can stumble pantyless out of the club, often colliding with the business end of cold concrete, but keep her RAZR in tact, surely the hell mine could survive two little boys.
I so rarely get to look cool, I was particularly on guard with this phone. Now I know the RAZR is now a little dated as far as the super trendy are concerned, but if I get in a craze before it's considered vintage, then that's cause enough for celebration. I'm proud to report that I successfully keep my phone-crushing heathens away from it.
It broke anyway.
For one real reason. It sucked.
I shrugged if off, figuring it must've suffered from some known factory defect. Why else would someone just give it to me?
My mom was in the hospital and I was still bunking in the corner of her room on that Gitmo Bay cot the hospital so courteously provided me with. Rowdy, super dad that he is, was totally handling the home front. (Note to self: Aww, he is a good man. Try to remember that, Shonda, during the Great Bud Light War of 2008). But, I thought I needed a phone. I mean, we had a enough going on without me going into a full cell phone withdrawal. The thought of even driving to the local grocery store without a phone glued to my ear is cause for total panic. I know, I know, it's dangerous to operate a vehicle and a cell phone at the same time. At least I'm not driving buzzed up -- anymore.
So, I called the local phone dealer and requested the cheapest phone they had in stock, which, by the way, is how I always select my next phone. Well, low and freakin' behold, that would be the Motorola RAZR. I almost went for the one $5 up, but I convinced myself that my first pink RAZR went the way of the trash bin for unexplained reasons. It wasn't because all RAZRs are worthless pieces of shit, I told myself.
I was wrong, tragically, horribly wrong. It turns out, all RAZRs are, in fact, pieces of shit. Just like my first fancy schmancy RAZR, this one won't hold a charge for longer than 30 minutes of brainless babble. You know I'm lost without my phone. How is my house ever going to get cleaned if I can't talk on it for longer than that? It's the only way I can pull myself away from the crack that is the Internet.
This RAZR is still operational, but just a week or so after I pulled it from its sealed boxing, it's already starting to show the failing symptoms of the first. That's how I know it, too, will soon take its final resting place in the bottom of my kids' toy box.
So, heed my warnings, my precious readers. I know the RAZR is cool. I've seen the candid photos of Lindsay storming passed stalking paparazzi with hers glued to her cheek, too. But, here's the thing: apparently Motorola knows our witless desire to mold ourselves in their flashy images, so they just keep these celebretards in an endless stream of crappy RAZRs and other Motorola brand junk. Have you ever noticed that none of our famous friends tote, for example, the iPhone or the Blackberry? Do you know why? Well, let me tell you. It's because Apple and RIMM don't have to throw away tons of cash keeping these self-indulgent babies in phones. Consumers keep buying theirs because, here's a gimmick, they freakin' work.
I love you, my darling readers. Your welfare is my top concern. So please, my loves, cut the RAZR. I don't care how bulky or uncool the other cell option is, go with it.

7 comments:

Me Myself said...

I agree the Razr is a piece of crap. I've never had one, but my sis-in-laws and brother-in-law go through them like toilet paper.

I have a Motorola Pebl (what is with their abbreviated weird names anyway? Are they trying to emulate IM speak?). I've had this phone for almost 2 years now. It's been thrown across the room a few times, kicked, used as a rock to try to break stuff and banged against the ground consistently (my youngest has found that if he beats the phone on the ground it will flip open and he can then press the buttons. Anyway, this phone has held up really well to the beatings my kids and I put it through. If you haven't tried the Pebl, you might look at it.

Mollie said...

Yeah, about that Pebl. Mine fell in half, literally in half, when I tossed it on my MATTRESS. It was only 6 months old. When I tried to get Motorola to fix their shit, they told me it was physical damage and the were not liable for that. Asswipes. Do not buy anything else from Motorola EVER. Motorola can go fuck themselves and then be punished by having to use their own products.

Activate that iPhone, bitch.

Me Myself said...

I guess I just got lucky then :-) I do agree that everything else from Motorola seems to fall to pieces pretty easily.

Anonymous said...

lol k..i have never left a comment before but i feel i should here. i love motorola..yes some are shit...but not all. and they support is not all that bad as long as you speak to an english speaking person and you are able to get your point across..recently i sent in a razr2 i bought used off ebay that didnt function correctly..well i talked them into sending me a complete new phone..woop...it works perfectly..thats my fiances phone. i have a motorola ming (yea im sure u dont know what that is cause noone carries it around here) but its awesome its a touch screen clamshell job. i've dropped numerous times and its stilll perfect. i've had regular razrs, also. the only problem i had with them is me. one soaked up some mystery liquid that ate the inside of the phone while it was sitting on my grandmas counter. the other still works but in a tantrum i threw it against a wall and the housing is missing a chunk....lol we also have a spare rizr which is a great phone but i made the mistake of purchasing from a high priced 'cell phone shop' and its already out of warranty. not that it needs it but i pay that much for a phone i expect at least a year warranty..they sell old phones i guess...i dont know. anyways overall i love my motorolas. i love the software you can put on your computer that you can use to make all the ringtones you want from any songs that you want.

Melody said...

I agree, the frst razr that I had quit on me the first month I had it. I sent it in to get repaired. They told me it would be 2 months to get it fixed, therefore sending me a piece of crap...I mean piece of shit LG...I refused to use it and dug out one of my old ones to use. I called the company to check on my phone and they said that it was still not fixed...after 2 months...gees! Anywho another month goes by and I call again...the reply I received this time was..."we never received your phone"...you got to be shitting me! I called Perry to inform him on the update and him being the Dobson fella he is called and chewed some ass..well I got a brand spankin new razr from them and It has got me by for 2 years...its hanging on by a thread but still getting me in touch with all my cell savy friends...So I too have had a bad experience with them....NEVER AGAIN will I deal with these rapist from Motorola!! Im Melody Pennington and that is my 2 cents!

Anonymous said...

Motorola's service seriously sucks and stands in sharp contrast to what I have received from Apple. The genius bar makes Motorola look like some fly-by-night construction company that took your money and ran.

Buy things that work. Buy from companies that back up their products. Motorola does not. They refused to fix a $200 phone that was clearly defective. I talked to so many different people my head was spinning, but the verdict was clear. They had my money and would now be happy to take more of it.

My iPhone had 3 little pin-prick sized bubbles and a small discoloration in the screen. Did not affect the phone's performance at all. Took it to the Genius Bar and was given a new phone no questions asked. Was given a same day appointment with the tech when I went to OKC for Adie's check up. Never dealt with nicer people.

Double fuck Motorola. And I am not afraid to use my name.

Mollie said...

Shit that last comment is me, I am not logged in and it didn't do it automatically. And didn't learn to proofread in public school. All my problems are somebody else's fault.

Your Ad Here